To the two grandma age women who really should have been encouraging:
First off I had the shopping isle right of way, so don't glare at me
when you almost run into my cart with the child hanging off the front of
it. I am doing the best I can, you of all people should appreciate
that, or has it been too long since you cared for a little being? Or
perhaps you are still bitter life dealt you a card you didn't like. If
so, I am sorry on both accounts. Smile, your life will increase in
sunshine, especially if you are the ones to smile first.
To the grandpa age man who offered me a spot in front of him in line,
just to get the check out over with faster: Thank you. It's too bad,
(for everyone) that I couldn't take you up on your offer since the line I
was in was really going to be faster. Your thoughtfulness is recorded
in heaven and my heart.
To the young couple with the three month old boy: It's not always like this. Sometimes it is better, sometimes it is worse. That's okay, because when I get home and put the little boy who cried himself to sleep in his bed for a nap, I will look on his angel face and wonder what I did to deserve charge of such a cherished child of God. Seriously. It's amazing how quickly a sentiment can change when they are sleeping. Though it might sound crazy, I'd take that shopping trip again.
Here's why:
*The old man who smiled at me and the children in the prescription line, because yes, they are cute, and yes, I am a good Mom, thank you for noticing.
*Because that two year old was so excited to pick and count tomatoes and apples with me and I know that these moments matter when he's looking at me wondering where to go from #4 before he drops the imperfect tomato he could reach into the bag.
*And when we stop to pick out underwear with the 4 year old who will look at all the options but still know exactly what she wants (Hello Kitty) because she is confident and her very own unique personality, I can be happy because I was a big part of that.
*And it's because when the two of them are picking out juice they think about what flavors their siblings will like. It's because I am working to raise individuals who care about others who can reach outside of their own sense of entitlement that is so rampant today.
*It's the little girl who could tell Mommy was worn out but really wanted the
princess squinkie on the horse. She knew she could use her hard earned allowance to
buy it, and also knew she'd not been the cause of Mommy's stress and so she
gave me her best puppy-dog-eyes and-fist-clasped-pleading and then accepted it when Mom said, "no," (I later changed my mind because I was able to translate what "my lowance" meant).
So if I seem distant or unconcerned, cold or uncaring while my two year old cried the entire 30 minute checkout... (Note to self: never shop on a Tuesday again), it's because I care SO much, I'm not giving up. I'm fighting this battle against everyone who tells me mothering is a waste of time, against every Time Magazine Article that says a life with out children is "having it all," against every cocktail carrying woman who looks down at my newborn in the stroller and says "Why would you have a baby?" against, everyone who says, "you are too young to have kids," or "# that's enough," or "you have your hands full" or that "children ruin your body" etc. I'm fighting against the women who say I am throwing away my college education by choosing to be a stay at home mom. I'm fighting against everyone who says family doesn't matter, or that it can be modified to mean something other than what God intended.
I'm fighting for the four little people who are growing and changing faster than I could have ever imagined. I'm fighting for their lives, their happiness, their essence and their destiny. I'm fighting for my family. I'm fighting for all the young women out there who understand how important it is to be a mother, or who are even interested in trying to understand. I'm fighting for the future.
