1, 2, 3, 4

In the elevator in our hotel in Mississippi a woman said, "Only four?"
Wow, that's refreshing.
They have been crazy and their ears haven't worked for a few days but I am so happy to have each one of them. They are beautiful, smart, and unique human beings who bring light to my life each and every day.
Even when they are being stinkers.
Honestly.


Yesterday, I saw this site while we were driving around town and wanted to get pics of the kids. So this morning we stopped on the way to the park.

It was a warm day with a cool breeze so I unloaded one at a time, and took a picture. Putting one back before getting another out so I could keep them safe. Olea had a sad experience about watching where she stepped and accidentally stepped on a bird nest. She shed some tears for the little eggs that she stepped on. She said, "I didn't know a nest would be in the rocks!" Neither did I. One egg was intact. It was well camouflaged.

Oh and I found this gem in the rubble too. thinking I will make a necklace pendant out of it.

Nev and Daddy

Zurich accidentally bonked Nev on their way up the stairs to bed. Nev came down to us, I had to translate for Gary as she was talking to him and he didn't understand. She wanted a bandaid (didn't need one). So he pulled out his imaginary bandaids and went through a whole charade picking one out (princess) unwrapping it and putting it on her. She was very interested but when it was all said and done she said desperately, "No dad, I want a bandaid."

So Gary took her upstairs and put a monster bandaid on her (because we have a ton of them). She was all proud as she came to show me but as her face moved in excitement and the bandaid caused issue she was sad,"it doesn't fit!" and turned around in panic/ embarrassment.
She decided she didn't need a bandaid anymore.

Gary was helping her brush her teeth and alerted me to the fact that she had a fairy in her mouth. We all got a look at the cute fairy and then she washed it down with a drink of water. Her tongue has healed up nicely from when she pretty much bit through it.

Gary and Nev have a very sweet relationship. Mutual adoration. She can melt his heart so fast. Gary often comments on the fact that one of his favorite things is hearing Nev sing. She sings in a sweet soft falsetto while she plays. Most of the time her dollies are in a musical. Gary will even take a part in her musical with her and the dollies. It is so sweet.

Coretta

Sent from my iPod touch

Giddy's Renal Adventures: part 1

In life we want things to be cut and dry and quick easy answers, but we all know it is rarely like that, in the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson: life is a journey, not a destination.

Our youngest son gave our family and many that know him an extra journey of faith the last week of January.

I include his story here, because I want it journal-ed and because there are so many people that were praying for him and thinking about him and their faith, service, and concern has been such a blessing to our family. Much of it comes from notes I took in the moment and so my apologies if tense changes etc are odd. I have to do it in installments or 1) it's too long 2) life is like that 3) otherwise it won't get done at all.


Gideon is a big boy. Always has been. He's a sight to behold with broad shoulders, wispy blond hair and icy blue eyes. He's tall for his age and well filled out. He loves to eat and has 7 teeth and loves to gnaw at things. So a rotund baby belly would be expected and he certainly had it. We hear comments often about what a big healthy boy he is, but the best thing about Gideon is that he is Giddy. His nickname is very fitting as he is a very sweet smiley boy.

About Christmas time I started to wonder about the fact that he had taken to spitting up again. It was in sneaky burps but it smelled like vomit and he hadn't been spitting up for a few months. There were a lot of factors so I discounted it at first because he never seemed bothered, he'd cut a tooth so we'd pin the spit up burps on that and then he was eating more table food, then more vitamin d milk would get the blame, then over eating.

The first week of January I kept him out of a few activities because I couldn't tell if he was sick or what. But since he was happy as ever I would just go around the house cleaning up quarter size or more stinky spit ups.

Sunday the 23rd of Jan I was in another room listening to Gary change Giddy's diaper and commenting on what a big boy and big belly he had. He has commented this very often lately. So I felt the need to investigate a bit when I was getting Giddy ready for bed. With more careful scrutiny, as I tried to secure his diaper I noticed he was fatter on one side than the other. I started poking around his belly. It was soft and bouncy on his left side, on his right it was firm and solid. I tried to sort out the lump and gauged what I could feel to be at least the size of my fist. I got very concerned. I zipped up his jammie's and went downstairs where the family was waiting for FaceTime with grandparents, scripture reading and prayers.


Gary was at the computer lining up bills for the week. I said, "I think something is wrong with Giddy. His belly is really hard on the right side." Gary of course, thought he was fine, (I can't blame him, if i had just allocated all out money to necessary expenses I would think he didn't need to see a doc at the beginning of the deductible year too) he's just a big boy. He's probably just constipated. I said I wanted to take him to the pediatrician. "It's not supposed to be hard. It's not squishy like on his side. It's a whole handful. That's huge! Besides constipation usually happens in the descending colon."

So the poor boy was given a suppository. He pooped. There was still a hard lump. Poor Gary was upset because as he said, "You are usually right and this is really bad timing. We were getting on a plane next Tuesday. They are non refundable flights. That's a LOT of money. I hate it when you are right about stuff like this."

I got into the first apt I could with the first doctor I could Monday. The appointment happened to be at 2:10 and I was watching a friend's daughter. While Waiting for 2 pm to circle around we melted down crayons pieces and made some cards with the thin layer of melted wax. (I have blurred out our friend's beautiful face because I don't have permission to show her.)

Then lunch and loading up. The kids were good at the doctor's I did try to find someone to drop off at least Zurich with but no one answered. So I took the four of them. "Ju-la" (as Nev calls her) helped by pushing the stroller. I'm glad I had our friend with us that day because having someone else to care for actually helped keep me calm and focused on normalcy.

I do think it was one of the shortest doctor visits I have ever had. I explained my reason for bringing him in. The doc felt it and said, we need to do a CT scan. She left to schedule it and sent in Giddy's doctor who felt it and concurred and tried to console me when I said, "It's a tumor huh?" And then thinking about Gary's comments before, bad timing and we can't afford a ct scan. One ct scan is the tip of the iceberg folks, and I knew that. You could tell by the doctors, this was serious.

The scan was set up for the next day first thing in the morning. I arranged for someone to watch the kids. I had asked Gary's help in sheeting Zurich's bed and then wondered what was taking so long for him to join us for scriptures. He was laying on Zurich's bed breaking his heart. "I have always coped by accepting the worst case scenario but I can't this time. I can't accept not having Giddy."

Early the next morning Gary and I headed with our Giddy to the children's hospital an hour away. We were scheduled for 8am and were there at 7:39 but didn't have the actual CT till 10 am.


He was given the dye and drank it (easily since he had been fasting and not eaten anything yet) and then we waited 45 minutes for it to move to where it needed to be. We both went back while they hooked up an IV. To try and calm him down they turned on some colored lights.


Gary stayed with them while they did the actual scan. Then back in the waiting room while they read the ct. He came out with all his bug bites looking like blood blisters. We were not supposed to leave until our referring doctor called us but when it was time instead of talking to her at the desk in the waiting room they invited us back to the room where they keep the toys and snuggles for bad news. It was bad news.

When the phone rang I let Gary talk to the pediatrician. He asked pertinent questions I wouldn't have had the mind to.

Diagnosis: Wilms Tumor, Kidney Cancer.

They said the C word about my baby. My mind resisted, my heart resisted, my prayers began.

When Gary got off the phone and confirmed pieces I had overheard I cuddled my sweet baby and broke my heart. "My baby, my baby" we went through periods of disbelief and devastation, numbness and worry. Chances were good he would live but he'd be in the hospital probably have to have chemo etc. Thinking of all the possible implications was too much and that's where numbness would rescue us for a few moments. I threw out, maybe it wasn't cancer at all: maybe it was just a freaky tumor like my two separate tumor sites had been.

"Why not me? Why my baby?" Gary asked
"Because he's strong."

I remember assuring Gary at one point, that this wasn't some punishment from God, but just part of our mortal existence. Just something that is part of it. And it was specifically part of Giddy's, something that he had the strength to deal with.

(It would be interesting here to see why we chose the name we did for Gideon. If I get that typed up and posted I will link it here. )

We cried and looked up Wilms on the Internet. The prognosis is very positive. We waited for the oncologist for more thorough explanation. Gary tried to give him a priesthood blessing but he was too wiggly. I said a prayer and he quieted immediately listening to me and stared up at the lights after the prayer he dropped off to sleep. Gary was able to use the anointing and give him a Priesthood blessing. This of course gave us some comfort and new thoughts.

We called Gary's parents, & my sister, I couldn't get a hold of my parents. There were no pictures taken in this room. As Gary said, "I don't ever want to see that room again." However, I don't think we will be able to get it out of our minds.

The oncologist Sutphin and his resident came in and talked to us while I held sleeping Giddy. Sutphin confirmed the diagnosis Wilms cancer: of the kidney. For sure surgery with a ten day hospital stay after surgery. Pathology will be done at time of surgery. He thinks it is stage one or two cancer, with a very positive prognosis. We were told that they would remove the right kidney as the tumor is involved in the kidney.

We were ready to get the surgery done that day and get things started, but more tests needed to be done to see if it affected anywhere else. They said that he would be admitted that day and that they were already working to clear out a room for him. There are possibilities that it can affect / spread to lungs. Some of the tests will help rule that out.

At least 6 months of chemo after surgery if tumor weighs too much. Too much was anything over 550 grams.

He will have 1 kidney. He should be fine with just one. He won't be able to take certain medications. (Motrin) Be careful with contact sports. Sutphin then mused over Gary being a baseball fan, probably the hat. :) Like Giddy would still be able to swing a bat. 15% chance of re-occurrence. Nope. Gary doesn’t play baseball. (Later we were talking about why this was his guess, and I said, it was probably because baseball players aren’t usually known for their physique. Can you say foot in the mouth?) I asked could it be just a freaky weird tumor like the two I have had and not be cancer. No. But we did then discuss the kinds of tumors I had. (Each time I have had a tumor discovered there was the talk of it being cancer and testing but it was never really a scary reality.) But he thought that Giddy’s was only stage 1 or two which meant a very favorable outcome. We talked about 6 months of chemo and a 90% chance of survival. He’ll live, he’ll be okay. At this point Gary got up and hugged the doctor.

We remained in the bad news room for quite some time waiting for things to be worked out, or maybe just for us to calm down. Then we waited for a room to be admitted to for at least a half hour in the registration office.

When we were brought up to the 4th floor they gave us a tour. It really hit us when we were in the family room and we saw the box of donated hats. That said cancer to Gary and me more tangibly, more track switching.

Giddy's stats were taken and we settled in trying out his robot crib and Giddy sliding around on the floor purposefully in his gown.
When Giddy was admitted he weighed 23.1lbs and was 30 1/2 inches tall.

Valentines

I didn't worry about Valentine's in January as I normally would have because we were gearing up for a trip West and my oldest would miss the valentine's exchange in school.... but recent turn of events we didn't go on our trip and so I had to figure something out. I wanted something that she could have a hand in putting together and she wanted to make the packets like we did for Gary. So I sat down to put together a little card for her with more appropriate messaging... and then had an idea and ended up making some for the older kids, just because I could because it was so fast and I had the pictures to work with already.

It's not a novel idea given all the examples you can find of picture/sucker valentine's all over the internet, but the spin we put on it was fun and personal and the kids were proud to put them together and give them.

Olea used the silly picture cards with candy packets for friends at church (I didn't get a pic of one of her's made up but you can use your imagination if I you've looked at Gary's from last year.)

She used the archery shot with the suckers for school.


Zurich and Nev gave out theirs to their friends at church.


While making up the packets for Olea's little cards, Zurich wanted to make one that had him on it, so I drew a pic really fast and had him draw the body. I get such a kick out of this. It's so cute.

As soon as the picture was done and I had taken a picture of it he ripped it open and ate the treats. :)

The Tooth Fairy

The Tooth Fairy at our house is forgetful and sleep deprived. Seriously.
Last night she almost put a $20 bill under a pillow for a tooth. That would have been a serious mistake. Thankfully at the last minute she noticed her failure and corrected it.

The Tooth Fairy here also forgets when the tooth owner is being a brat. The last lost tooth was under the pillow for almost a week before the tooth fairy got around to visiting.

But here is something that the Tooth Fairy at our house is pretty proud of: keeping track of those lost teeth. She collects the teeth in little baggies and puts them in a Book of Secrets (teamed up with Santa etc) and lines them up in the order they were lost, where and what payment was made.

Look at those tiny cute little suckers. I don't know what she'll want them for... but a good tooth fairy keeps inventory. (I have my lost teeth still)

Olea has lost a few teeth at school. So I thought it would be a good idea to thank her teacher properly for helping out the Tooth Fairy. I need to remember this for all my kid's second grade teachers. It's easy and handy as I am sure more than my child has lost a tooth at school. I have a bunch of 1x1inch ziplock baggies in a larger bag and I tied a note, "For the Tooth Fairy's Helper."


Carry on.

Lemons, flowers and CTR rings

Zurich has always taken good care of the things that are important to him. He is a saver. He got a few sheets of stickers for his birthday and they still hang on his board. He amazed us by how well he took care of his Mack truck that was meant for a 6 year old but we gave it to him when he was 2. He usually knows pretty well where the things he cares most about are.

A few Sundays ago he was given a CTR ring. Gary commented that he is amazed that it is still with us, especially since Zurich often wears it.

Olea had come home early from school sick and she and Giddy were napping. To keep the house quiet for them Zurich and Nev and I went out to get the mail and check on our lemon tree. I had good little lemon pickers and we discovered a bunch of flowers we haven't seen yet on the property. Zurich
thought that he had lost his ring outside. While we were looking he said some silly things, "We just need to look for something shiny." "I think it is in the lemon," or "I saw it in the tree." Literally meaning in the trunk of the tree. He also insisted on digging up a bunch of rocks in the driveway looking for it. That surprised Gary when he had a bumpier than usual drive down the lane that evening.

I later determined by looking at pictures we had taken outside that he didn't have his ring on while outside at all. This eased his mind and we later found it on the couch, he went and put it in his treasure box with his pirate necklace which you can see in the picture (a Gianni Versace chain he found in the garage, we cleaned it up and everything because my guess is that it was a dog collar.).

I juiced the lemons and made Lemonade using a recipe I found on Pinterest. They said Juice 6 lemons.... Our lemons are extra juicy, I will modify the recipe in the future, because it was way too much lemon. (Not for me, but for the rest of the family).

I love sweet time with these two.

An olive branch

I titled this post carefully and hopefully it makes sense. I'm going to talk about something personal and very close to my heart and hope those who read it will appreciate it for what it is and see why it is important to me to share these thoughts. I could share a lot of thoughts, but I am trying to keep this succinct.

Thanks to Wikipedia I have this definition to help me show you the connection I am trying to make.

An Olive Branch: is usually a symbol of peace or victory and was historically worn by brides.

 

This thought comes from an experience I had while attending college. I was at BYU in a class called Clothing the Family. It sounded like a useful class that would cover budgeting and smart practices and skills to, well, clothe the family.

The class was an utter disappointment.

One day the class had gone to complete poo when a married girl in the class commented on how her husband just wasn't living up to his potential and the "professor" carried on with it. I am not for man bashing. I don't mind joking around about the differences in the genders but serious bashing is right out for me, (I'm gonna get mean here) especially coming from a dim witted, wobbly stiletto heeled, died platinum blonde girl and a justifying debited, needy, older woman who really should know better.

Listening to my tuition money coin in and tinkle around in these empty headed women I couldn't take it any more, and as I sorted through what they were whining about I wondered what was different? Why didn't I have disappointments in my husband that I was just bursting to share with this group of tawdry women? Was it because I was still a newlywed and still had my blinders on? That couldn't be it, some of these girls were more freshly married than I was.

So what was it?

I think sometimes, we women get some pretty big ideas about what marriage and men are like and what our role will be like with them. I know there was plenty I had wrong. But ultimately I think a big problem is we tend to think of our future spouse in a checklist form for so long that when we are married we still think of marriage and our spouse in this checklist form instead of human form, you know, like WE are.

But I had one thing right, the man I married and the fact that I married my man for who he was: imperfect, anal, sometimes irreverent...

I bet most women had that same thing right when they married their spouse. Somewhere we loose perspective though. We've got flaws, sins, weaknesses addictions: I'm talking chocolate, exercise and lack there of, self demeaning practices, weak self worth, sense of entitlement, feminist ideas, laziness, unrealistic expectations... whatever, anything that is out of moderation, anything that hinders our ability to love others, anything that puts us above others, that supersedes our ability to love and forgive:

To get over ourselves.

To marry him for who he IS, every day.

Somewhere, I think we forget why we married them. Even just for a moment, and if we let that moment grow, we have a problem. It's our problem. My heart started beating really fast and my thoughts clarified.

"If you marry someone

for their POTENTIAL

you will be consistently disappointed.

If you marry them for who they ARE

you will be pleasantly surprised."

Class was over for me that day.

But I've come back to this thought often in my life. I am certainly not a perfect woman or wife. I struggle, have setbacks and disappointments, I let my husband down, I waste time, forget stuff and just avoid things that need doing because they are unpleasant, I have different forms of addictions. We all do. Think about it, you've got some "bad habits" just like me. I could go on, but think about it, I'm not perfect. So why should my husband be?

You are not perfect. So why should your husband be?

He shouldn't.

I am gonna go out a limb here and vocalize some thoughts I keep having. This idea applies to many aspects of marriage but I am going to touch on just one now.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we expect our men to be seriously moral.

This is awesome.

I think it is right.

However, we also live in a world where this is extremely uncommon. Many women in marriages just accept that their husband does things (strip joint, web sites etc) that in the LDS church we seriously frown upon. We don't accept it. However, as a local church leader shared in a Young Women's lesson, the temptations are always there, people are always cajoling our men to take a peek, it's not so bad, it's still funny, it pops up uninvited, etc.

Any woman or man who thinks that pornography isn't a problem in their home to some extent is just plain fooling themselves. I don't care how great you all are. I'm not saying that everyone needs counseling or anything like that, I am just saying it is a temptation, like any other temptation, it's real and it's something that you can't just ignore and hope it isn't a problem or won't be a problem. You'll face it somewhere, your husband, brother, friends, son etc. It's something you have to actively fight against. If you don't, it's sure to rear it's ugly head. I see it all around me, and have for years in various forms and casualties.

It's downright crappy. But it's truth and the flesh is weak... It's that temporal body we are so blessed to have and so blessed to try to learn to over come.

So what to do?

Support our men in their struggles. I don't mean pat them on the back and say, "That's cool, I don't mind, it doesn't hurt me." That would be a lie. That's one of those big ones, you know, the Ten Commandments. So don't lie.

If you are a woman, it hurts. No matter what level it exists in. But we have to help them, it's the whole "for better or for worse" thing that we commit to do when we married them. It's their sin, but we can't let it become ours, (it becomes our sin when we let it tear our marriage, family and relationships apart, when we ignore Christ's atonement and it's role in our healing, forgiveness and their recovery) we have to help them daily fight it. It's not the man's fight alone. There have been lots of awesome talks about fighting it in General Conference. Here's a search. They often talk to the men about it, but it's real for women too. So I'm saying my two bits about it to women. Because we have a role in helping our men fight it.

I have been blessed in my marriage because I have a husband who is serious about fighting the temptation. We have found a system of checks that works for us. I don't babysit his browser or anything like that it was a plan he came up with and it works. It's active. It's always active.

In the words of a very wise woman who knows, and whom I love dearly: If he's there, in the marriage and he wants to work on it, you've got something to work with. That's so much better than not having a marriage at all.

I mean be willing to forgive, be active in their recovery, be active in their success. Always be active in your fight against the Destroyer.

Remember you married a person, not a check list, not a perfect ideal.

Extend an Olive Branch: Strive for Peace, Strive for Victory in your marriage.

It's hard, but nothing is as hard as walking in this world alone.

p.s  pictures are completely my own (except the olive branch which was found through Google and I can't find the origin). If you would like to share please do so by linking back.

Clamor

Tonight after dinner which was it's own stress with preparing 3 different meals, two children whining, one throwing up (because she ignored the repeated call for lunch and ate FunDip instead) and wanting to tell me all about it, the other banging his sippy cup, screeching at me, and throwing food on the floor and Mr. relating a troublesome conversation from work... I finally gave up and took the whining, dead-tired almost 3 year old up to her room for cuddles, hoping she would give up and fall asleep. No luck, she wanted the lights on (and can reach the switch). So after a while I went down to get a book to read and saw the kitchen still a mess and everyone else relaxing or making another mess. I sighed and went back up stairs as Nev was whining for me again. Later the eldest is sent to bed because she is too sick to clean out the dishwasher but not too sick to wrestle with her brother. So Gary and I gather up the kids sleeping bags to roll and stuff them away and 3 of the kids follow us. Nev has brought a basket full of her polly pocket type dolls, accessories, and furniture. Giddy baby is chewing on something and wants to nurse. Zurich wants cuddles.

Gary and I try to roll up the bags but Giddy is rubbing against me like a cat and clawing at me and pulling my hair and climbing on me. Nev insists that I look at how she has arranged the contents of her basket on her dad's night stand. Zurich is just puppy dog eyes in the background whimpering every so often and Gary is heaving and hoing trying to suppress the sleeping bag enough for me to keep the extra material out of the way and zip is the storage bag's zipper. Giddy is hampering my ability to move and see and Nev is making my ears ring while Z pulls on my heart strings because he's been waiting all day. Eventually both sleeping bags are zippered shut.
That's 10 minutes, maybe.

I'm nursing the baby and Nev is wandering up and down the halls. And I still have to move laundry and clean up dinner, etc.

This is the life I chose.
I am going to choose it again as I put the baby to bed, find Nev still awake, and head downstairs to spend the next two hours on chores, because I am lucky.
I have a joy that most people don't even know they are missing or that most who do have it don't know that it is a joy.
I have a family.
I have children.
I have a husband who provides for us in many ways. He lives toward a higher moral standard than most men in the world and he's imperfect at it enough to love imperfect me.

And because Gary will most likely help me with the kitchen and laundry tonight.

Coretta

Sent from my iPod touch

baseball hat

My husband isn't a fan of baseball, but he sure likes the hats.

The first glimpse my kids got of their dad, he was wearing a baseball hat.
#1
#2
#3
#4
So it's no surprise that they associate a baseball cap with dad.

After washing Gideon off after a meal I found a baseball cap that someone had left on the bathroom shelf. I put it on Giddy while he was looking in the mirror. He said, "Hi, Dad." Yup, you must be dad if you are wearing a baseball cap.

Being Rich

I always tell Gary, "when we are rich..." I want such and such. Some of those items have been pretty silly like a Lava Lamp. We must be rich, because I have one. ;)
Some are just pie in the sky... okay that makes them silly too.
Anyway: The other day I had a brain child. I've had four real children so a brain child shouldn't be too far of a stretch.

Gary was outside teaching Zurich how to ride his bike with no training wheels. Awesome. View.

Nev had just gotten run over by Olea (who was riding her bike). I took Nev inside cleaned off her knee and affixed plain brown, but super huge band-aid and had her fetch a basket.

Of course the scene of me and Nev gathering mystery objects in the grass was intriguing so eventually I had all my little helpers there adding to the basket.
Coming so close to the ground and seeing, because we were looking, Olea commented, "We are rich in acorns."
We are. Super. Rich. in Acorns.

So there. I am now super rich.

I could get the squirrels to do whatever I wanted...

We gathered lots of acorns and a few pine needles too for good measure.

Sometimes Gary is really good at taking pictures, sometimes he even lets it focus. Sometimes not so much. :)

Then some wading in the pool.


A few days later...
some awful hot glue and a ring of foam core board...
and an awesome hot glue burn...

When we are super rich: I will still make my own wreaths and I'll still have a lava lamp.

Gratitude turkeys

For the last few years we have used this basic body pattern to make Gratitude Turkeys. I had a bunch already cut out this time around from when I got them ready for an activity days' activity. This worked out very nicely since it was a bit of a spontaneous desire. I started making one with Zurich, then Oma (German for grandma-my mother) and Olea, then Gary and Nev. Opa had already turned in for the night.

My mom said when asked about legs that her Turkey was sitting on them, thinking she'd get out of the legs business, so I cut her some and arranged them in a yoga pose. We got a good laugh out of my solution to Mom's comment. Zurich is grateful for things like blood and hugs. Olea wanted her legs like Oma's, but I'm not cool with copying so I cut her something different but silly too. Gary said that male pattern baldness is a problem even in turkeys. Nev kept putting glue on the front of hers. I HAD to add Surgery Monkey to my list just to get a reaction out of Gary. You can read into SM as any comfort items. :)

Always fun, quite simple, and a nice gratitude reminder. We will tape them up in the entry tomorrow.

Rocking

He fell asleep
I'm still rocking
His big head on
My arm going numb
Soft breath flutters with
Cherub fists involuntarily clasping
Occasional sucking
I adore

He's too big too fast
But he's my
Baby
So I hang on
Rocking and watching his face
Soft in sleep
Alive in spirit

And want to do nothing else
But hold this soul
While I can
While he'll let me
While he's still perfect