Summer's end: Trip

Today was another bad Tuesday. The kids were constantly going at each other and I couldn't figure out anything to get them to chill out. Jobs weren't done. And repetitive interruption of my jobs meant they didn't get done either. I was very frustrated to say the least.
We were going to go to the library, and go pick out candy for the candy jars we unpacked and well... We'll save that for when we do it.

We needed an intervention. I called Gary at work and he told the kids to go gather sticks. Zurich went out for ten minutes but came in when Olea went out. She was so worried about trying to get him to do his job she wasn't doing hers. So I assigned him an inside job to keep them separated.

Then the incessant doorbell ringing started.... And ditching....
I was not my best mother today.

An experience last week opened up some of the things Olea is feeling. It can pretty much be summed up in two things: 1) the move has been hard, 2) she misses the way things were when she was three. That is the way she says: I wish Mommy liked me, had time for me, I wish there weren't other babies.

Apparently, I need to figure out her love language.

There are things I can't and won't change. For instance her siblings will not become orphans. So to make things better for my baby girl I'm doing the best I can to help us both enjoy where we are, to enjoy each other, improve our relationship, be grateful for what there is, what we have, where we are. I don't know what to do. I have no idea. But I'm trying, and that's got to be worth something. That is the major reason I started this summer's end project. Tonight with the spirit of trying, especially after a worthless day, I told Gary that Olea and I would go do the shopping after he got home.

I didn't take a picture. I was too busy back tracking and re-directing. So when we got back and Gary asked me if I had a good time, I was honest. "I hope she did, I hope it meant something to her, because I am exhausted."

I realized something though, I don't know if I remember the last time just her and I did something, just boring old stuff, together, with no one else. We need to.

I need to keep searching. Parenting is the hardest, most cryptic job ever.