Thursday, December 18, 2008

Girl, 4 year old... life trauma

I admit.
I am trying, but I am not being the attentive mother I think I usually am to my four year old daughter. I claim it's not my fault. I haven't had a decent night's sleep for long enough I don't even remember, and I NEED my sleep. Life events are such that when Gary has gotten home the last few weeks probably...we have spent the hour at least talking about work and finances and Olea ends up getting shushed aside. These are important things and on Gary's mind and need to be dealt with... and Olea well she's acting out, all day long.

Like Morgan muses on her blog about her 4 year old....I know that my daughter's stubbornness and behavior are a must in today's world. However, I don't do well with the stubbornness for stubborn sake. Nor do I do well with behaviors she picks up from other kids. "I want..." "I don't want..." whenever she is asked to do something, or just plain ignoring me.

Typically I try to do fun things with her, it's something we got into with her being 3 years older than her next sibling. Lately though my patience is shot because she's not being obedient enough to do those fun things without stressing me out. The other night I tried to make gingerbread men with her. One thing after another and her not listening to what her part in the whole ordeal was and we ended up just making balls =cookies. It worked but I was dissapointed and I think she was too, because she wanted to make gingerbread MEN. We do art projects together and read and color etc. We typically have a good time. Lately though her attitude is doing me in. Chalk it up to the sleep issue... or behaviors she learned from others or my own state but it's been hard. She's gone to bed early twice this week. I am just DONE with her. It doesn't help probably that I teach Sunbeams on Sunday and often don't come home from it in a very happy or patient mood. (she's not in my class) It's not the refresher I think Sunday could be... maybe that is my fault.

She is a good girl. Albeit a bouncy ball, but a good girl. I know this. I just need to remember it when I've been up every half to one hour all night with a fussy baby, and a sore body and my little girl just wants some serious mommy time. Is that it? Is that all it will take... honestly, I don't think so. It never is that easy is it? We're going through another transition. I need to learn how to deal just like she is learning how to deal.


  1. Oh, Coretta...I feel your pain in so many ways. It seems like my boys have all gone through a phase like that (well, not Logan yet...but I know it's coming). Then with added stress that she can definitely sense, it just agitates the situation. It's all developmentally appropriate behavior (which I am sure you know already), although we don't want to call it "appropriate"...and not that it helps any to know that. ;) I teach Sunbeams too, and it is soooo hard. Why do they put mom's of young kids in the primary?? I don't understand should be against the rules.
    Hang in will get better and more bearable.

  2. i'm so glad you wrote this post. i feel like i'm not alone now.
    your post, word for word, is how i've been feeling lately.
    ellie is just like olea it seems.
    good, stubborn, independent and a little sassy?
    i'm convinced that the age comes into play, majorly. and although it may be a reason, it doesn't help me feel like a better mother.
    i called ryan at work today because i just can't handle the stubborn arguing and back talk, the independence well beyond what she is capable of. i cried and i'll admit, i told ryan "she makes me so crazy sometimes that i have to remind myself why i like her."
    i'll alway love her but sometimes i don't like her. so horrible right?
    so then comes the guilt.
    and add my young, totally compliant, calm and loving jonas and ellie is jealous becasue he never gets in trouble and i feel like i give him more attention because he's so much easier. she doesn't understand that he's a baby. and i also don't want to punish jonas, deprive him of the same love and attention that ellie got when she was his age, just so that ellie doesn't feel less loved now.
    motherhood is so heavy sometimes!
    am i making any sense?
    you're not alone in the shushing aside either. i feel like i do that all too often.
    everything i've been taught, or told, tells me that she needs more one on one time with mom and/or dad, and that it will help the acting out problem. but, with ellie it seems that the more one on one she gets, the more demanding she becomes! ahhhh.

    thanks for the post! i'm feeling better because of it.

  3. ah no prob Morgan... you are right... ramble or not. And yes she is as described: like ellie, good, stubborn, independent and a little sassy. Very much so. Zurich and Jonas sound a lot alike as well. Your post on Jonas a while back I totally connected to as well. Zurich is a charm, he is just what I need some days... though he's been sick lately and I'm not getting any sleep because of it at least typically he is the most fabulously lovable cuddly guy.

  4. Hey Coretta...this is Amber (Pugmire) Johnson. Found you from Camie's blog. My baby is now 16 months and I've decided the "terrible twos" can happen any time. My friends with three year olds say that's worse than two, but I think that whatever stage they're in is hard...for them and us. Anyway, glad I found you. Merry Christmas.