on the *fritz*

Have you ever half lived your life through no fault of your own?
i feel like i have done just that the past two months or so due to the ever impressive far reaches of the the human thyroid... or in my case the lack of it.
(complete thyroidectomy some years ago, it was a good thing but there are still some challenges to it)
Since having the surgery and experiencing periods of stability I realize that my thyroid was on the fritz most of the time post puberty and possibly before.

When it comes up and people ask what a thyroid does I can only sum it up like so: EVERYTHING.
From weight to mood, ability to cope to muscle weakness, temperature regulation, libido, headaches, anxiety, digestion, ability to concentrate, forgetfulness oh you know I could go on...

I have a pretty good record with self diagnosis so after having my sweet baby I assessed how I felt and adjusted my thyroid replacement with what I had in stock at home. I know doctors advise against this... but you know sometimes it's just easier than waiting the 4-8 weeks in hellish conditions just so they can get an accurate reading to tell me what I already know, but they write the Rx so I guess it must be put up with.

So at my six week visit I was advised to go up a dose (from where I put myself) just so they could get an accurate reading I was supposed to stay there for 8 weeks not the typical 3-6. I tried to explain that I was feeling good where I was and I had moved it down because of symptoms indicating I was too high (for me personally)... but since I couldn't get them to right me a new Rx I had to go up. In my puny little brain I thought, I'll show them, I'm right, especially since the fight had all gone out of me since I lost. Oh ya, I'm a real smarty, feeling like I have the last few months totally showed her... nope. She has no idea.

Every week, and every day it got worse, I added symptom after symptom to my list. My father in law would always ask if I was okay, if I was depressed when he called... obviously I haven't been myself for a while.
So what was the turning point?
I started to make a list and as I did so I got on my knees and started listing them to the Lord and I asked for strength to get the help I needed to fix it and to fix what I could on my own.
No progress is ever made without God. You can ague the point all you want but I am solid on that. I think I am pretty smart/ talented sometimes but I know it's all a gift, inspiration, it's not me as much as I jokingly claim it.
I'm not very overt about my religion I just realized, here on my blog. And I'm not going to douse you with it now more than is my personality to do so.

I would have had to get my dose adjusted sooner or later as the Rx would have expired but going the route I did gave me the fight (the fight I haven't had more the past months) to get the labs done without seeing a doctor (also having a very understanding doctor helps) due to the new "insurance" we have that was a necessary arrangement.

So can I just say how utterly relieved I was when the nurse called to tell me I needed to adjust my dose? Drop to my knees and pray relieved, grateful.
Sounds dramatic?
You should try having a TSH level of .01 for months with a brand new baby and a 17 month old and a 5 year old and a whole bunch of other changes that require a brain.
(it takes a while to level out due to half life of the replacement but already life is better)